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Letting Go of Sadness with Color and Joy

by Linda Cucurullo


I had not been feeling well for a couple of weeks. My body felt tired, foggy with very little energy. I had headaches and shoulders that felt sore. After going to Doctor Sharon and getting checked out, she gave me a clean bill of health. Nothing was wrong, how could that be? I felt sick. Doctor Sharon suggested that I think about how I was feeling emotionally. She said that sometimes that happens, when a person is not feeling happy inside it shows in their body and life.

The person to help me figure this out would be my spiritual friend Sonia. I knew I could tell Sonia anything and everything no matter what. She is so easy to talk to. We took a walk on the beach. The first thing she said was “Carla, how do you really feel? What’s been going on in your life?”

I couldn’t hold my feelings in anymore and I just blurted out “Sonia, I have been so lonely since my best friend Connie moved to Florida. We used to go for walks together on the boardwalk every evening after work. We went to the Diner every Friday night and then to the book store to have coffee and read all the magazines while we talked about the week. On Sunday afternoons we would go Flow’s Luncheonette for her famous Sunday specials. We always ended Sunday night at Marnie’s Sweet Shop for a scoop of homemade Peach ice cream. Since she is gone we do talk on the phone, but it is just not the same. I miss her company so much and I haven’t painted anything of worth since she is gone. Is this what depressed feels like?”

Sonia listened, I knew she understood. She gave me a tissue when I couldn’t stop my tears from coming. “Here honey, I know you feel sad now. I have been seeing how you have been dressing and not taking care of yourself lately. You have been wearing these old baggy grey sweats too long. They even have a few paint spots from your art studio. This is not like you. You haven’t been to Betty’s Beauty Shop for a haircut latley. She did ask about you the last time I was there.

Sonia cried too, she said she couldn’t help it. When I was so sad, she felt sad too. It felt so good to have her just listen to me. I hadn’t even thought I had all that inside me. She didn’t have to say anything. It felt warm and cozy just being with her. We sat on the beach for a long time, way past lunch, when she said, “How about we go to Flow’s and have her Sunday special?”

As we sat at Flow’s and had our Sunday special of Turkey and mashed potatoes Sonia said “Would you like to really have some fun and lift your spirits now that you have let go of so much sadness.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“I know just the women that can help you make a change and get a new attitude. She sent me to her friend Peg who had a dress up shop. She knew the secrets that enhance moods and desires. She was an expert on lifting the spirit. She knew the internal language of pheromones and hormones.

The store was up on Weaving Lane. It was called Weaving Lane because it started at the top of a mountain and weaved its self down through the town, ending at the ocean. Her store was called the Sandpiper. I could tell right away from the sandpiper wind chimes outside the shop’s front door and the turquoise flower box with tiny yellow and brown sandpipers peeping between the flowers. There were two white rocking chairs and a tiny table for sipping tea in the late afternoon.

As I opened the door I thought I heard a little tinkle. “Mmmm maybe not. Oh well it doesn’t matter.” On entering the shop I was dazzled. It felt like a garden of jewels. There was a small life sized tree in the middle of the room with tiny fantasy sequined fairy’s , glittery angels, iridescent fish and butterflies of all different colors hanging from the delicate branches entwined with tiny lights and strings of pearls. The smell was sweet and light. I found myself taking deep breaths thinking “what is that smell.”

“It’s Gardenia”

Jumping back I looked for the person attached to the voice.

The women sitting behind the counter appeared suddenly.

“I know I didn’t say those words out loud.”

“Sometimes darling I just know what people are thinking. The aroma you like is Gardena, the plant I have in the window. Once a year it lets that wonderful aroma out into the air. Isn’t it interesting that you came just at that time. “Welcome;” she said as she slid off the stool behind the small counter. “My name is Peg” She took my hands into hers as she greeted me and looked deep into my eyes. The way she looked at me made me feel warm and safe. And a little feeling inside made me know that this would be an adventure,

Peg was a tiny woman, in her seventies maybe, One of those timeless beauties, with white hair in a short perky haircut. She wore hot pink peddle pushers white canvas boating sneakers and a navy blue V neck tee shirt. Her eyes were pale blue and happy. The little lines around them were like rays of light. Her face was filled with childlike joy. She wore no makeup. Clearly she was a woman who did not need it. She wore her confidence joy and enthusiasm instead.

I told her Sonia sent me and she said “Oh isn’t she just the nicest person.”

“She told me you would be able to guide me in dress to capture a new attitude and lift my spirits”

”Oh yes, I do have the gift. You see I always loved playing dress up, acting out different characters within me. When I ran out of room in my closets and drawers I branched out to play with others.”

“Why don’t you look around for awhile and I’ll get the toys.”

“Toys?”

“Oh honey we need to play on it. We have to leave your grown up brain alone for awhile to find your style. The best choices are always made from joy. Now darling let’s sit down at the table. Close your eyes take a deep breath and spend a moment breathing in the ocean. When you are ready open your eyes and choose the first thing that catches your attention.

“This was certainly the oddest way to buy clothes, but something about it tickled me. I did as I was told. When my eyes opened I was looking at a Jack-in-the-box with a yellow and white Sandpiper painted on the front. It felt kind of funny, and I thought for a moment, this is dopey, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I just went ahead. The first time it popped up I smiled a little but something made me do it again and again and again, until I was laughing out loud with tears rolling down my cheeks. It became so silly I found it hard to stop. Then a hot pink slinky caught my eye. My favorite color. I walked around the store moving it back and forth from hand to hand humming along with the dreamy sounds of love songs in the background and hearing Peg sing along with them too.

Then Peg called me back. It was time to dance she said. She put on a CD with Spanish music and the beat of salsa and we danced around doing cha chas’s and meringues until we were exhausted. After we rested a bit, we waltzed, swaying back and forth and floating around like fairies. Then it was time for rock & roll (the oldies) slipping and sliding doing the mashed potatoes and the funky chicken. We got on her belly dancing costumes with spangles, jangles, and sequins. We wiggled and squirmed all around the small rug on the floor doing the dance of the seven veils. Then Peg got out the tribal drums. She played like a demon and I danced around her swaying up and down moving my body till I felt weak in the knees. I had not had so much fun since Connie moved. We had so many happy times together; I forgot what it felt like.

When the music stopped we sat down at a long white painted picnic table. She took out this giant drawing pad almost as big as the table with a small mountain of big fat crayons, and glitter pens. Closing my eyes as instructed for a moment, when opened, the first color I saw was yellow, soft creamy yellow, the color of butter. I grabbed it and drew clouds of color on the pad.

“Oh no you must draw with your other hand, the one you do not usually use. Remember, you must leave your grown up brain behind. That really makes you feel like a kid again.” Then Peg said close your eyes and do it again. I picked up the light blue crayon with my other hand, the color of tropical water and let it float across the page, shades of sea blue and creamy yellow. It was like an old fashioned garden. After I was done I sat back and Peg offered me a tall glass of icy lemonade with a tiny red and yellow paper umbrella stuck on top and fresh mint leaves floating on the ice

When I was done playing Peg said, “OK, it’s time to play dress up.”

I dressed up in gowns and high heels, I wore tight jeans and sequined tops, and I twirled around in floaty skirts that danced around my ankles. I wore tiaras and long dangling gypsy earrings and finally after a couple of hours of playing dress up we found what was perfect.

The outfit we picked out was a pale pink soft tee shirt with tiny little rose buds scattered here and there. It had a wide boat neck which could slide down one shoulder in a very casual flirty way; pedal pushers were soft cotton with water colored palm trees and shades of pink hibiscus flowers nestled in green leaves. They felt like soft broken in pajamas. The shoes were midnight blue flats with sling backs and open toes to show off my new bright pink toenails. Around my ankle she placed a slim silver ankle bracelet with delicate turquoise star fish scattered between the tiny crystals. On one toe she placed a toe ring with a glittery butterfly. This is a long way from my funky grey sweats. Sonia was right, color and clothes can make a difference. I felt lightness, freedom relaxed, natural, and happy. My tired sad feeling was gone.

As I walked out the door everything felt different. It was a hard feeling to put into words. I walked through the park I sat down on the children’s slide in the playground. I suddenly felt space open up. The sky expanded as I began to notice the children’s games; the swings, the whirlaround, the monkey bars I began to think of my childhood. Reaching up with my hands I felt a big wide smile on my face. There was a smile in my heart and in my belly too.

Sitting on the swing, looking up at the sky, smiling in the breeze while sunlight warmed me, my body remembered what to do. Once I got started there was no stopping me. It was scary how high I was swinging. My smile grew into laughs and giggles. She was still there with me, the little girl I used to be. I wish Connie was here to share it with me, but she’s not, and I still felt light and bouncy and very physically well.

Sitting on the seesaw and remembering back, a warm happy feeling came over me. It started in my mouth and then to my eyes and then my whole body felt tingles of joy. My own magic was back. My body almost lifted from the lightness I experienced. The colors brought me back in time to when everything was new. I couldn’t bring Connie back to live here again, and she would always be my best friend, but I could see I needed to begin again. I needed to keep living a happy fulfilled life and when I am feeling bad inside I need to tell someone right away.

I couldn’t wait to call Connie

Linda Cucurullo is a spiritual friend and energy worker. She can be reached at516 483 4453 or lcucuril@optonline.net, www.journeyinward.com

Linda Cucurullo

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