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The Real You

by Priscilla Selgas


Who are you? Really? Do you know? From an early age, we’ve been trained to read, write and pronounce our names. The appellation or title that was selected for us by our parents was the response we gave whenever someone asked who we were. As we grew, we identified ourselves as someone’s brother, sister or child. When we came of age, we added more titles to our identity; College graduate, a Soldier, a Wife and so on. Our identity often changed throughout our lifetime whether we were aware of it or not. We wore many hats, played several roles and habitually identified ourselves with a status or position. We learned from those we crossed paths with in life and adopted the traits that appealed to us and quickly tossed aside those that didn’t. Part of discovering who you are, involves knowing who you’re not. You are not your name, age, height, gender, status, nationality or occupation. So, when all of that is stripped away, what is left?

Being yourself involves being honest with yourself. Asking yourself what you really want. Who you want to be friends with. Who you really want to love. What you really want to do for the rest of your life. Going with the flow or living a life someone else wants you to live is self dishonesty. Lying to yourself into believing something you know not to be true. For some, it’seasier to let someone else make the decisions. “I’ll have what she’s having” or “My parents wanted me to go college”. It requires less thought, less work and less effort, but at what cost? Giving someone else the steering wheel to your life will only leave you feeling frustrated and resentful. Procrastinating or avoiding who you are will keep you from reaching your highest potential. 

Breaking family patterns is difficult for many. Parental values, morals and beliefs are instilled from a young age. Even as adults, some secretly fear straying from the way they were raised. Ask yourself, can you speak your mind freely when you’re amongst family? Give your real thoughts and opinions or do you go along with them simply because it’s easier to do? How about your friends? Do you have real friends that you can be yourself with and feel no judgment? Denying who you are and how you want to live your life is like binding a bird’s wings to keep it from flying. Finding the courage to break down barriers is a step towards self discovery.

On a blank piece of paper write down as many words, thoughts, roles and groups you identify yourself with. Acknowledge the identities you’re attaching yourself to (Mother, partner, diabetic, student, husband, therapist, provider, engineer, teacher, multi-racial, businesswoman, etc). Sit back and consider what you’ve written and ask if these things really define you. Or is there more to you than these labels?

Your own individual and personal experience in life shapes you. You are many things. Your thoughts. Your feelings. Your values. Who you are? Is for you to discover.

Priscilla Selgas is a Licensed Massage Therapist in New Jersey and Florida.  Her work includes backstage care at some of New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania’s top rock venues and arenas providing therapeutic bodywork for bands and musicians. She is a freelance writer and currently teaches at a Massage school in Miami. Connect at PennedbyPriscilla@gmail.com.


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